So here's the hazard of being raised by an author, your mother has a platform upon which to broadcast the embarrassing stories of your childhood on a much wider scale.
The problem is, my daughter is occasionally funnier than me. And smarter. And she's 7. It's humiliating.
For instance, the other day we were folding laundry and she was fetching hangers from the closets.
Darcy: 'Mom, why is there a baby-sized hanger in your closet?'
Me: 'Maybe a mama hanger and a daddy hanger got together and had the baby hanger?'
Darcy: (giving me her patented "you do not amuse me" look) 'You know that's not how hangers are made, right?'
Or, last week, Darcy was reading an age-appropriate book on werewolf legends and found a factoid about how "in the old days," babies with a birthmark were considered potential werewolves.
Darcy: (eyeing the red "stork bite" mark on her arm) 'Should I be worried?'
Me: 'Nah, I had a birthmark and I'm not a werewolf.'
Darcy: (thinking long and hard): 'So, you've never woken up in the woods, not knowing how you got there?'
Me: 'It's nice to know you think so highly of your mother.'
Darcy: 'I was just asking!'
We were watching Once Upon a Time and Rumplestiltskin blew up a fairy godmother just before she was able to help Cinderella.
Me: 'Honey, should someone start your relationship by blowing up your fairy godmother, you probably shouldn't trust them.'
Darcy: 'I don't think that's a problem I'm going to have, Mom.'
But occasionally, I get the best of her.
A few weeks ago, Darcy learned about the importance of voting. She walked into the house, grumblng about her school reading team picking out a silly name for itself, "The XBoxes."
Me: 'So, what did you suggest for the name?'
Darcy: 'I said I didn't care and let the other kids pick.'
Darcy: 'Don't say, 'Let that be a lesson to you!'
Me: 'I'm just saying-'
My mom says that I was the same way when I was a kid, so I'm getting exactly what I deserve. One day, I will write a mother character who verbally gets the best of her precocious elementary schooler.
Until then, the battle of wits continues and I get the inspiration I need for my characters' dialogue.